can u fix it?

ok
so am a girl,right?
born with a set of breasts and a vagina
did i choose that? no
did i walk into "radwan el3ogel" and got myself an entire set of a "woman-pod"
no but for as long as i remember i have been prosecuted and punished for being a female
am either dressed too tight or too short or too long or too fashionable or too non fashionble
am either too slutty or too conservative it's ok for some men to flash me their organs down the street where am supposed to either scream from horror or go down on them (either reaction usually satsifies the pervert by the way)
it's normal for a guy to stare at my body or comment in the usual "2ba7a" language whenever am walking down the street no matter what am wearing or what am doing
and do u even want me to start on the whole "public transportation/public offices/or police station treatment" coz trust me i have been almost traumatized one when i had to get into "mogam3 elt7rir"to get my passport done and had to tolerate and fight over being groped or touched by almost every man on the premsis (and those men who are left usually give the once over look then comment about the slutty bitch who is not "mo7agaba" and had the odacity to be wearing pants)
that was border line ok and was starting to be the norm for me and all the women i know coz let's face it .... nothing is going to happen if u scream at the pervert and dont u dare think about taking it up to the freaking authorities coz in egypt if a girl goes to file a harrasment report she ends up being molested or raped coz she dared to walk into the male dominated sadism prone police station.
what's new is "broad day light" as in being groped and touched and sripped naked in broad day light on the street?
i am too disgusted to say more
all i remember is what a police general said 10 years ago when a girl got raped in a quiet street in maadi(my hood)
he said"u cant really blame the police or the perp ,i mean,she WAS going home at 8 pm and was wearing jewelry"
if we are in a country that doesnt provide security and blames the victim for being a victim,can u protest against anything?
they say u cant fix it if it aint broken ,can u fix it if it's butchered,neutered,and clinically dead?

el3eed far7a

so am officially on holiday for like three days,happy eid to everyone.be back in 3

paraskavedekatriaphobia.do u have it?

do u think i have paraskavedekatriaphobia?

no am not kidding and i didnt just invent that word
this word means phobia of friday the 13th

it's considered the unluckiest day of the year because friday is the unluckiest and the 13th day of any month is usually unlucky so imagine the two of them combined,it's a disaster waiting to happen

am not superstitious,i just dont like the freaking day,that's all

it's "khema" time,my ordeal

so i went to my first khema this year,it's my best friend's birthday and i HAD to be there,
first things first...am not into noise, loudness kills me,i can have fun but in order to do that i need to hear and be able to talk without feeling my heart beating next to my teeth.
so my man picks me up- never thought i'd hear myself say that with such pride and joy :-) - and we embark on an hour and a half journey through cairen traffic and we arrive there, park,find the rest of the gang ,get our shishas(they suck) and the trauma begins.
turns out my best friend's boyrfriend thought it would be cute to get her a saad elsoghaiyar-esque band that is all about a singer and 10 dancing/drummer men who insist we all get up and dance and stuff.
my best friend dances the night away to songs like (shobra-7atgawez) and i get a huge headache besides a huge dose of cheese and corn(that is cheesy and corny).

the headache is gone but the bitterness of having to survive an ordeal like that and partcipate in that cheesiness is something i'll never get over.

to my best friend: you have no idea how much i love you
to my lover: thanks for going through that for my sake,i know u hated it more than i did
and to khema visitors: please dont do that, ur IQ drops 10 points for every hour u spend in a khema in cairo during ramadan.

it fits

you know where everything feels so right that sometimes u r scared that it's all a dream and it's bound to end in some tragic way
in all my relationships i always had that feeling
i antcipated it
i waited for it
even sometimes i longed for that moment to come

until.......

until a "casual" meeting with a complete stranger brought me divinity, eternity and safety in one single moment.

where everything felt right into place and then i started longing,not longing to leave but longing to stay
longing to be around that person
to smell the aroma of his cigarettes,to enjoy to smile on his face when i walk in,to hear his sweet whisper when u picks up the phone and says "ezayek"
the way he looks at me is divine ,the moment he touches me is divine, the way we talk about everything high and divine but still manage to giggle like schoolkids in love for the first time.
in 18 days i learnt more about myself then i did for the past 21 years
now i know who i am and what am meant to be,I'm meant to write for a living and I'm meant to be with him
no wait,I'm already with him,we are already there,there's no turning back coz there's not a will to turn back.
to sum it up
I have found that person that makes me truly belive that IT FITS,we fit together and it's good.
nothing more to do,nothing more to say, It just fits..................................